'So wad DID i say?' I asked Karthik.
'A whole lot of stuff. You know for like half an hour, you were knocked out there yesterday. This is what you said..' and he started.
Back in the seedy room, let us travel back in time, and assume we are right at the time and place when I'd been hit the most, and started talking. I began my monologue, looking at all of them in turn...
'You know what? Life...can really suck at times. I mean, have you seen my watchman, the one in the night shift? He talks to himself man...'
The person I was talking to, I think it was Shreesha, looked at me, or at least seemed to.
'Why do you think he does that? When do people talk to themselves? You know when? When they have no one else to turn to, that's when! He sits there, all night in the cold, dank fog, manning the gate, with no one to pass by him, no one to talk to, no one to smile at, no one to be angry at. How does he pass his time? Who does he talk to, as he sits there in the dark, shivering? He does it to support his family, or else they'll starve...and we laugh at him because he talks to himself? WHO ARE WE TO DO THAT??!"
And then i started sobbing, empathizing with the watchman like never before.
'And who are we to say that the police are corrupt and heartless? That honest traffic guy, helped that small, poor girl across the street. He took the pain of stopping traffic for her, he helped her across, he patted her cheek like she was his own daughter...maybe he misses the daughter he has at home, as he stands and works all day? But still he does it, without a protest, and with all honesty. He's paid a pittance for all those hours in the sun, but his daughter's growing up now. She needs more money for school fees, for new clothes, and books. The government gives them nothing...so they turn to us, taking from us what we already have more than enough of...but still we call them names and hate them...why??'
Another of those sobs.
'Look at all of us. Rich, spoilt kids, with nothing lacking. All the opportunities to make the best of life. But here, we are, we're not even ourselves! What are we? This iron curtain of cynicism, of humor, that we've all draped upon us.Shielding our true emotions, so we don't reveal ourselves, don't let anyone come in and hurt us.'
Everyone was looking at me now, some curious, some angry at me for spoiling their trip with my ramblings. I chuckled loudly and continued.
'But then, someone comes along. Someone that pierces through all of that armor of yours, and asks you, Why are you doing this? Who are you trying to defend against? They make you look so foolish, and you love them for it...
Do you know how we're all such lousy people? We look better than we used to, from the outside, but we're rotting from the inside. All of that make-up, that lighting, those touch-ups...everyone of us can look gorgeous. But what about make-up for the soul??...where is that? what am I saying anyway??'
I suddenly fell silent, having abruptly finished saying all that was in my head. Everyone got back to their previous passive positions, and the mood resettled, as if the whole episode had never taken place....
Back at our college ground, everyone sitting around me, looking for my reaction to Karthik's retelling of my words.
'I could actually say all of that only when I was high? Wow' I finally said. 'But I don't think anything I said was wrong, I'm glad it all came out'
'You said some deeply profound words yesterday man' Shreesha said.
'So do I have to get high again for more words of wisdom? I'm never doing weed again, I swear'
'Yeah, yesterday was enough...you've given us plenty to think about...till the next time we do it. And you're coming too, no arguments!' Vinit said.
I made a face, but then said, 'All right what the heck? Maybe this is our new usual then?'...
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